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[08 Jan 2005|01:17am] |
this journals over and done with.
only to be kept to be reminded of what never to return to.
.. self_worth.. chek it out.
Peace The Fuck.
avr
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[13 Jul 2004|07:34pm] |
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freak-a-leak |
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haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahhaahaa
greatest day ever. after skool got mi nails done. went for my everyday run with my doggy. saw Dalit. god i love her.
now im off to dinner with mi papa dogg.
then to see Andre Agasee play in a tournament with mi papa n my best friend Andrea and her papa.
i will post pictures later!!! hehehe
god i love life. not just because of the superficial things, but because i am able to appreciate the fact that there is more to life then boyfriends, the expensive car, the "titles".
yep.. im blessed. i have amazing friends and a happy home.
-- peace the fuck.
p.s 24, 34, 46, good and thick, and once you get it she'll work wit it.
Pretty face and some cute lips, earing in her tongue and she know what to do wit it.
Make a name for herself, and she do her shit well, and know how to keep her business to herself. hehe
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| BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTYYYY |
[25 Jun 2004|12:02am] |
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mood |
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 naughty |
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stop making fun of my butt!!!!!!!!
tomorow..
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[21 Jun 2004|11:54pm] |
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kia/ do it now..do it good.. |
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wholy lord.
i just had a fuckin orgasm.
in the car.
talking to stephanie.
this weekend..its official. its the kick off.
not being allowed to go out at all 2nd semester, has finally paid off.
tight shirts, short skirts,
oh baby, its on
p.s. i love my all star team. thanks to Sabrina i have my heel stretch almost perfectly. :) hehe.
--peace the fuck.
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[18 Jun 2004|05:48pm] |
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some how fear always gets the better of us.
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[15 Jun 2004|11:12pm] |
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happy b elated birthday Bailey Hayes!!! i love you.
Audrey Larner call me ASAP. i need to pik you up from skool. call me as soon as you read this. your celly # is in my celly which is currently broken and of no use whatsoever. i tried calling your house but um yeah okay. love you girllllllls.
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[06 Jun 2004|12:09am] |
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:)
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| give me 10 minutes, and I'll give you the world.. |
[28 May 2004|07:42pm] |
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hmm.. yes yes yes.. i havent update in a while. most people say that they dont update because nothing really has gone on,.. well in fact so much has gone on around here.. hmm.. thats probably why i havent been able to update.
things have been kind of hectic lately, with the schedule and all. i get home at like 10:30 from cheerleading almost every night. its physically exhausting. but im dedicated and i love it. i am able to appreciate that i posess the quality to be so deditcated and compassionate to/ for something.
the VARSITY CHEER sleep over was the fucking SHIT cot dam. i will post pictures later.
im still grounded, all though occasionally my parents will let me do a little something with somebody here and there.
a lot has changed lately. nothing bad though. all for the better. things are only as bad as one makes it.
a while ago i came across a major opstacle in my life. i felt that no one took me serious. people thought i was a joke. i mean i know that most people see me as being a loud crazy obnoxious cheerleader, but really there is a lot of depth to me. i was a little upset because i just wished people could know what the inside of me was like and not just see the outside. i told myself that i wasn't going to change, because that's not who i am. but i really wished that i could make people see what has always been there.
at the cheer sleep over every one experienced a great sense of bondage (haha). we really all conected with one another. that night i spent a couple of hours talking/ getting to know an amazing girl. i never thought her and i could become really close. in many ways we were really able to relate to one another and things that we had endured in the past. not just the "boy problems" but real stuff. family issues, the feeling of maturity..well this girl was someone like one of those people that i had mentioned in my previous paragraph.. she saw me as Ashley Velarde "loud, crazy, pretty, cheerleader."
but after talking with her she said to me,"you know what, i have such a higher level of respect for you." that made me so happy. after everything that we had talked about i had really made an impact on her life. not only that but she was able to appreciate it. after that conversation i felt very accomplished. i had prooven some one wrong.
its sad though, because i dont talk to a lot of people anymore. i am always so busy and physically exhausted from school work, homework and cheer. i also have a hard time talking to people now because the "old" conversations i used to have with others to really interest me anymore. i dont base my life around boys anymore. i dont gossip or discuss drama. my feeling is to just let things go, with at least a concept of those things.
-
every 15 minutes was also this past week.
wow. that really made an impact on my life. i guess its one of those things that you have to experience it yourself in order to really appreciate it. but im sure all of you have heard from someone or another about it..
..now to the good stuff..
haha just kidding.
i mostly just want to say how cool i think it is for people to go out of their way for one another. i mean really go out of their way for one another. that really makes someone feel appreciated and it is a theory of Sygmun Froyd (pshycologist){dont know if i spelled that rite} that all somebody really craves in life is the feeling of appreciation.
after talking with a good friend of mine, i am starting to feel that a little bit of them has been rubbing off on me in such a short time. i dont really believe in fate anymore, and im not really looking into the future as much nor dwelling in the past. a while ago it was one thing and then just recently it has become the other.. now ive learned that i need to live in the NOW. its not always good to know whats in store for the future because not knowing is what can be sought to be "the beauty of it all." ive discovered that by living in the future so much, can really take a toll on someone, because living like that is the ultimate conjurer of FEAR.talking to them as much as i have been has proven them wrong. they too thought that i was just like the rest of [them]. this person once asked me who has made a major impact on me in life and now i am able to add them to the list. thank you.
school is almost out which means summer is barely at our fingertips.seniors are graduating and im not looking forward to that cuz i know im going to have a really really hard deal coping with the fact that so many people who i am so close to are leaving me.
Richard talked to my mom and he convinced her to let him take me out for my birthday. even though it was so long ago..i dont know what were doing he said it was a surprise. hanging out with my homeboy richard is always fun and he watches out for me so i know itll be fun.
sunday should be an entertaining day.. alli got her license.. haha just had to include that.. but none the less, getting together with my girls ali, manon, and alli to film our theatre final. were doing the REAL WORLD CALABASAS; i play a lesbian(no disrespect), alli is a punk, manon is the anorexic who suffers from bulimea who is from the valley, and ali is the little perfect mormon girl. the guys play themselves but who cares about them cuz its all about us. hah j/k.
monday is memorial day. NO ALL STAR PRACTICE!! WOOHOO i need a break! my families having a bbq with an ass load of friends over. so call meup if your not doing anything cuz you all should stop by my pad. aha. somewhere in between that Chris and i are supposed to watch our movie back to the future which is sort of ironic as it is, but especially in our situation.
pis are up from free stunting!! chek it out chs_cheer
haha theres a picture of me flying but im not smiling!! ewwwww .. oh well theres a first time for everything.
well i hope all is well with everyone else! -- peace the fuk
give me just 10 minutes and ill give you the world.
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[25 Apr 2004|01:46pm] |
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FREAK A LEEK.
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[21 Apr 2004|09:44pm] |
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i love youuuuuuuuuuuuuu@!!! |
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( oo lala.. )
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[15 Apr 2004|12:01pm] |
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mood |
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o my god, i can not believ i almost made the worst mistake of my life.
thank you audrey nicole larner.
thank you andrea.
--peace the fuck
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[15 Apr 2004|10:37am] |
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thankful |
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take my breath away |
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you make me even more happy. you cause the smile on my face to grow even bigger.
..and theres just some things i cant even explain..
their just to precious.
<33
OFF TO PALM SPRINGS!!! IM GONNA SEE MY LOVIES AND BFFS LOLA AND ANDIE!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO WATCH OUT NOW!!!!
camera whoring!!!!
-- peace the fuck
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| haha.. WEIRD |
[13 Apr 2004|01:40pm] |
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RUBBERBANDMAN |
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ew. im watching mtv's "i want a famous face" and this guy is wanting to look more like jennifer lopez.
hmm what would you do if you met a traNsvestite and fell in love with them and they told you like the day that you were getting married that they had had a sex change?
i mean thass cool and all but i would feel kinda hurt cuz that is something that is needed to know and i woulde be sad that they would keep something like that from me.
haha weird. i dunno something that juss popped into my head.
grrr waiting and waiting for richard to come over. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! being grounded sux butt.
-- peace the fuck
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| XXX 53 |
[12 Apr 2004|10:46pm] |
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naughty girl// beyonce |
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woo hoo spring break has been fuuuun. i found out today that i am still grounded wich fucking blows. grrr. and then on top of that all im not allowed to have car priveledges for 1 week cuz i was out for too long.. hmmmmmm pooy.
yay!!! all n all break has been really good so far!!! thursday and friday had try outs..
wooo hooo!!! i made all stars!!! me n mel are now officially part of the Platinum All- Star cheerleading Family!!!! yay!!!
thursday after try outs me kriss n mel went to dinner n then went to use the bathroom at vons haha. i beet you krissy.
then i met up with ka$h.. i havent seen him in forever and it meant a lot to me that he wanted to meet up. then met up with colin, yoni, and aaronnnnnnn. woo hoooooo kicked it in aarons hott asss carrr.
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE { IM WATCHING MISS USA 2004!!!!!! HEHEH this is so exciting!!! i want to dooo it!!! }
anyway friday came around went shopping had try outs again... parents kiked my ass cuz i came home so late..
o and now by the way they just announced who miss USA is and wow im pathetic cuz im crying..
okay yeah sat. i dunno what i did.. but then EASTER.. WOOPPPPPPP WENT TO DISNEYLAND with the fam.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
53!!!!
HAHAHAH today i saw my best friends and we collected our little innocent matt prater, and then we kidnapped B. .. for his birthday.. hahah a lil late. talk about being surprised.. we couldnt do it on his birthday cuz i was sik , jackie had rehersel n jess had work.. mmm fun stuff jackie tangled all of lauren and B's balloons in the car so me and B's mom had to spend 457845 hours trying to cut them apart.
woo hoooooooo then we went off to GET OUR PINK BUBBLE GUM ICE CREAM!! WOO HOOOOOOO THE CONTEST WAS HOTTTTTT.
ahhh good times.
lip sync is comming up!! im so happy our act got in!!! were making the boyz come to our show n then were gonna go out afterwards and celebrate matts birthday.
HAH. thass all i have to say. you no how it is..
well well.. basically this has been a pointless entry but oh well..
hmm hopefully tomorow my mommy will let me go to the beach with Richard and meagan and all of them.
i want a new bathing suit.
oh yeah and by the way everyone.. i finally changed my hair color again.. well its something that isnt new since i either have a new piercing or a new hair color every other week. but yeah.. i dyed it waaay darker bak to my natural color.. no more pink, or bleach or bright red anymore hhahaa..
grrr.. we totally forgot to play chinese fire drills tonight.. but we made a pact to do it on thursday after B gets his license.. haha o and lauren he sang a song to you and we video taped it.. so yah youll like it.
AHH!!! AVRIL LAVIGNE HAS A NEW VIDEO OUT!!!!!! WOOP
ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..
andrea, fuck she really needs to come bak from vacate all ready i misss her. even though i talk to her still every 5 seconds i still want her close to me!!!
grrrrrrrrrrrr
dominick really needs to come home to cuz camping is gay and i cant talk to him and i havent for like 2 and a half days and thats the longest weve ever gone with out talkkkkkingggggggg.. ughhhhhhhh
alli n hannah better come bak from fucking mexico reall soon or ima kik their ass.
anywaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay i hope everyone elses break is going well!!! woop ima post pictures later of this week.
p.s. alex leigh and new mike.. better call me up soon , cuz we need to go fucking surfingggggggg.
-- peace the fuck
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| I HAVE ONE! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH |
[03 Apr 2004|06:18pm] |
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mood |
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 chilly |
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grinding//clipse |
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wooo hoooo off grounding bitchezzzz!! HAHA.
mmm having a license is the greatest. wednesday me n alli went to dinner then met up with jess and saw jackies play..
-later we kidnapped stephanie and went to aimees house and then to doms.
mmmmmm
-friday went out afta skool with jess.. haha ashleys car wouldnt start :( boo hoo. went to ashleys work and then came home.
-later met up with sherry.
-got hit on by random guys.eh
hahah some guy was totally wanting sherry. what can you say shes hott.
we were gonna go to bjs but the wait was too long so we went to cpk. saw devin n some other random people.
-sherry dropped me bak off at my car then over to doms.
-haha pillow fights with his lil brother.
-got beat up, then kicked doms ass.
todaaaaaaaaaaay stopped by my lovies house and brought coffe bean. yummy.
then to jessicas work to surprise herrr. no im babysitting and your ALL FUCKING JEALOUSSSSSSS HAHAH
come on now.. y'all no that im the best for the job. haha wen does anybody ever see me with out my digi.
MOULIN ROUGE IS THE GREATEST MOVIE EVER. we watched in theatre. man o man i love that movie. im so excited cuz im so fucking happy.
i never ever want to go bak into that stage of life again. i am so proud of my self i have come such a long way. ive realized what is important in my life and i have gotten my shit together. :)
oh and i love my teddy bear ;)
( this past week..n camra whoring.. you kno you cant handle it all.. )
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